The short answer

A long, drawn-out bedtime at 2-3 years old is usually boundary-testing, not a nap problem. Dropping the nap too soon creates an overtired toddler and a worse bedtime. Tighten the routine, respond calmly and consistently to stalling, and only trim the nap gradually if you truly need to.

This is such a common question that I get from parents, especially parents of toddlers aged 2-3 years old. Their toddler used to go to bed no problem, and now the bedtime routine is being stretched out for hours or their toddler is taking ages to fall asleep when they are in bed.

Many parents immediately assume it must be because they aren't tired enough and so they start to consider cutting down or dropping their toddler's nap. While this might be true for some toddlers who are having a really long sleep during the day, most of the time it's quite unrelated.

Why bedtime suddenly takes forever

Around this age toddlers start to test boundaries, and bedtime is no exception. In fact, it's one of the most common times for toddlers to push boundaries due to the impending separation, the fact that there is no wiggle room when it comes to going to sleep (it's a fact of life that we all need to go to sleep at some point in the night!) and a build up of emotions and experiences from the day. Suddenly you find yourself reading your toddler 10 books at bedtime, singing 5 songs, running to the kitchen for an emergency banana or even tickling their back for hours on end (hello numb arm).

Why dropping the nap usually backfires

You might find that on a day that your toddler hasn't napped the theatrics are kept to a minimum and they tend to go to sleep earlier. But what tends to happen is that when a parent takes action and removes their toddler's nap altogether or shortens it dramatically, over time their toddler gets overtired and hasn't had the time to catch up. This will actually lead to a worse bedtime, as an overtired toddler isn't one who is prone to listening calmly and falling asleep easily.

What to do instead

My advice is twofold. Firstly, be aware of how you're responding to your toddler's demands and procrastination strategies at bedtime. If you stay calm, confident and consistent with the bedtime routine (and this might be time to tighten it up a bit) even if your toddler isn't so tired, or had a nap at daycare, they should still be in bed at an acceptable time. They might not fall asleep straight away, but so long as they're not calling out or being disruptive, they'll fall asleep when they're ready, since you've provided the ideal environment for this to happen.

Secondly, do be aware of their naptimes and you might need to make some minor adjustments. It might mean shortening their nap by 15-30 mins to find the sweet spot, or skipping their nap every other day. We started out with not napping on home days, but still napping at daycare, which was a good balance. Each child's sleep needs are very individual so be observant and take things slowly when it comes to making these adjustments.

Remember, this is the time to be a confident leader when it comes to bedtime and before long you'll have a manageable bedtime and your nights back for yourself!

For more bedtime help, read Why Does My Toddler Tantrum at Bedtime?, browse my sleep guides, or book a 1:1 consult.