The short answer

There's no right or wrong way to introduce your toddler to their new baby sibling. Hospital or home, big reaction or total indifference, it's just one moment in time and doesn't predict how your children's relationship will turn out. What matters most is keeping the pressure low, following your toddler's lead, and preparing a few simple things in advance, like handwashing, a bassinet instead of your arms, and letting them touch the baby only if they want to.

The big moment of introducing your new baby to your toddler feels like it's a really big deal… because it is a big deal! You've waited 9 long months for this moment, and now your toddler finally gets to meet their baby brother/sister.

This is one moment, not a lifelong preview

I'll share with you the do's and don'ts of making this introduction as smooth as possible, but the most important thing for you to remember is that this is just one moment in time which does not predict how your children's relationship will be for their lifetime. And I feel like the more pressure you put on this moment to be 'perfect' the more likely it is to become stressful and overwhelming.

My own sister who is 6 years older than me apparently came home from school on the day I came home from the hospital, and she walked straight past me and up the stairs to her bedroom. My mum was shocked at the time and has never forgotten it, but guess what - my sister and I have an amazing, close relationship and that first 'meeting' meant nothing in the grand scheme of things - just a funny memory to look back on.

Should your toddler meet the baby at the hospital?

A lot of parents wonder about whether their toddler should come to the hospital to meet their baby. There's no right or wrong with this - it's more about what you would prefer and feel the most comfortable with. The more relaxed and confident you are, the better the meeting will go - so just consider this when making the decision.

Some toddlers hate the hospital, might have too much energy for your hospital room to contain, or might get upset about not staying in the hospital with you! So don't feel pressure to have the insta-worthy moment of your toddler coming to visit you in the hospital.

During the Covid years, children weren't allowed to visit their mums/babies in the hospital and many families reported that it was actually much more relaxing not having to worry about their toddler coming to visit. They could recover better and spend time connecting with the baby.

If you bring them to the hospital

If you do choose to have your toddler come meet your baby in the hospital, here are some things to keep in mind.

Whoever is bringing your toddler to the hospital, should prepare them beforehand that they'll need to wash their hands before they come into your room, and that mummy and baby are staying at the hospital for a few more days and they're going back home after they visit.

It can be a good idea to print a photo of your toddler before the birth, and stick it up in the baby's bassinet. When your toddler visits, you can show them the photo and tell them that 'the baby's been looking at the picture of you and couldn't wait to meet them!' It helps put them in the picture - literally and figuratively and reminds them that they haven't been replaced.

Have your baby in the bassinet when your toddler comes to visit, so that your arms are available for a big hug and to hold your toddler.

Give your toddler 100% attention and only offer for them to hold / touch the baby if they want to.

Some families do a gift exchange where the baby 'gives' their older sibling a present and the toddler brings a gift for the baby. This isn't essential, so only do this if you feel it will help the situation.

The most important thing in this moment is to follow your toddler's lead. You'll want those idyllic sweet moments of your toddler holding your baby etc, but in reality your toddler might be more interested in the snacks in your room, might suddenly need the toilet, or be ignoring the baby on purpose.

Don't force or push anything on them and let them go at their own pace. You'll want to avoid a meltdown as this will be stressful for everyone - so if you see your toddler ramping up, it might be time to cut the visit short and head home.

Some families like their toddler to come to the hospital on the day they're heading home, so that they can all drive home together for the first time. This is entirely dependent on your toddler's age, temperament etc if you think it will be a fun and positive experience. If you think it feels stressful to do this, have your toddler meet you at home.

If you meet at home instead

For those families option for a first meeting at home - similar guidelines apply to what I've spoken about above. Keep things calm, toddler focused and low pressure.

You can pop the baby in their capsule, bassinet or on a lounger so they're not in your arms right away. Be mindful that if your toddler wants to touch the baby, it might feel scary for you as toddlers tend to be a bit clumsy and rough with their touch.

Luckily newborn babies are so sleepy they can sleep through even the more excited toddler manhandling them! Try not to have big reactions to them touching the baby, and stick to telling them what they can do rather than what they can't do. E.g. Maybe you can rub the baby's tummy like this, or hold the baby's hand like this.

If your baby's wearing a hat/beanie or socks be assured that your toddler will want to take them off and put them back on! It's a fascination they all have in the beginning! Let them try it or just remove the items if it's getting too intense.

The bottom line

I hope this has provided you with some ideas for how to make the first meeting between your toddler and baby more successful - but remember that even if it goes terribly, it's just a moment in time and what's more important is the days, weeks, months and years that follow!

For more help, browse my new baby and siblings guides, or book a 1:1 consult.